Tuesday, December 29, 2009

Dates 41 and 42-Fun and Kinda Fun

OK, so Date 41 was with Dig Dug. We just chilled at the house and had a couple of beers, and TALKED AND TALKED TALKED!!!!!!! Man, I really like him, and I think he's cool. He wrote me a super sweet email that said he really wanted to get to know more about me. I told him I really thought he was cool and hope we can hang out more, too. I am just being really trepidatious with Dig Dug. He's going through some complicated relationship stuff and I don't wanna get hurt. At all. I think both of us are a little timid right now, but I SUPER like him and I don't wanna run him off. Again, I'm FABU at that.

Date 42 is a nice guy, but he's older, got grown kids, etc. yet thinks I hung the moon. Still not feeling anything but good friendship for him. And we ALL can use some good friends. However, he did read on my facebook status 2 weeks ago that I was going to be at a certain bar and then shows up. It was kinda weird, so I drank him under the table, made him buy me a band t-shirt, and then take me to Waffle House afterwards. Then tonight I told him I wanted a baby. We shall see!

Sunday, December 27, 2009

Date 40

Last week I had date 40 with a really nice guy. He took me out to eat at a really nice steakhouse and the conversation was great He's never been married (like me) and is a former musician, AND no kids. We had a really nice time, and I stuck to the 2 drink minimum while on the date. We've texted a few times since then and he's really really nice. I haven't heard from him in a couple of days but with the holidays and all, we've ALL been busy! Date 40 was super sweet-I didn't get "blown away" but kinda like him. We shall see.

By the way, my childhood friend saw "The Sumbitch That Stomped a Mud Hole In My Heart and Walked It Dry" at the mall last week and bragged and bragged and bragged on how much weight I've lost, how good I look, and how the men are beating down my door. KUDOS TO KG-y'all please feel free to leave her a message on my Facebook "A Long Shot at Love"! She made his ass feel like shit and made my day!!!

Sunday, December 20, 2009

Dates 37, 38, and 39-What A Weekend!!!

Date #37 was with a really nice guy. He is a carpenter so I thought, "Hey, Jesus was a carpenter who could turn water into wine, so let's give this guy a try." He was really a gentleman, but just didn't crank my tractor. He did let me know that he's been off hard liquor and drugs for 3 years now. This is what I think-too much honesty too soon can be a turnoff, for both guys and girls.

Then, later on that night I saw a friend of a friend who bought me drinks, a band t-shirt, and Waffle House, so I unexpectedly had date #38 on the same night. Tonight I had date #39 with a really nice guy who took me to a Christmas party. How sad is it that in 32 years I've never had a date to a Christmas party before (wait, do junior high and high school Christmas formals count?) Anyway, I had on a gorgeous dress that I just loved and I had a great time tonight. Date #39 is now referred to as DigDug. He is really sweet and cute, so I hope to hear from him soon! YAY! Dig Dug wrote me a sweet note to say he had a blast at the party and that I looked absolutely gorgeous. (Insert hand over heart and say "Awwww.") I really like him-fingers crossed things work out!!

Tuesday, December 15, 2009

Throw My Hands in Da Ay-uh (& Wave 'em Like I Just Don't Kay-uh!)

I am so frustrated right now. 36 dates since Labor Day '09. While I'm impressed and tickled that I've managed to get so many dates, I'm just freaking frustrated. And I'm glad I'm not the only one feeling like this. Other ladies and my great guy friends are getting shit on, too. I'm going to take Charlie's advice and start loving with my head and not my heart-I know that's crazy, but the other night Charlie told me that when both your head AND heart agree with the one you're with, everything just clicks. Do you agree? I think he's onto something. I don't ALL the way agree, but his theory makes sense.

I'm going to start loving with my head more. Really I am. I'm tired of getting hurt. :(

Sunday, December 13, 2009

Date #36-His Ass Is History!

SO, Mr. Nice Guy came over tonight all glum. When asking him why he said he doesn't see us working out because he needs "his love languages" needs met, and since I told him no sex until we're exclusive and love each other, he's all "Pouty Mcpouty-pout." SO, I'm done with him. He's the same one that sat on my couch crying telling me last week we werent' gonna work out, and when I said OK he said, "I can't believe you're not even gonna ask me what's wrong!" Ugh.

He is also the one that, when I told him I'd been in an abusive relationship, told me and I quote: "Well, I can't date someone who's been raped because they have too much emotional baggage." Then I had on a Flashdance type shirt (collar cut out, off the shoulders) one night and he says, and I quote, "That looks like a rape shirt." I'ma go ahead and say it-ASSHOLE!

This happened last week. This week he is now in a relationship with another girl, one I"M SURE he was dating while dating me because he would tell me of his dates that he was going on, which is why I wouldn't fornicate with him. So glad I'm gone. Plus my gays gave me the Gay Man Aptitude Test, which he made a 70 on. When you HAVE to give this test, it's a pretty safe bet that the guy ain't for me.

Man, confession is good for the soul!

Mancatcher Recipe

I'm going to have to try this and I'm thinking of adding recipes to the blog just for S&G's!!!!

Mancatcher Casserole

-1 lb. fresh chicken breast tenders
-1 can cream of mushroom soup (a Southern staple for ALL recipes that aren't desserts)
-1/4 cup milk
-Shredded mozzarella cheese
-Onion powder
-Bread crumbs
-Nonstick cooking spray

Spray baking dish with non-stick cooking spray. Mix milk and soup in separate bowl. Cover bottom of baking dish with chicken, sprinkle with mozzarella cheese, pour soup mixture over the top and sprinkle onion powder. Repeat another layer. Cover final layer with bread crumbs and drizzle with melted butter. Bake at 375 degrees for 45 minutes.

I may try this next time I have a man over!!!!!!!!!!!

#35-Just Chillin'

Had date #35 with Mr. Nice Guy. We just hung out and talked. I'm still trying to figure out what to do. "Charlie" tells me to listen to both my head and heart, and if both don't agree, then it's not meant to be. Good advice to ponder. :)

Saturday, December 5, 2009

Dates 33 and 34-Football and Snow Angels

Tonight Mr. Awesome and I went to watch a football game and had a blast! I like him (always have) but get so nervous when I'm around him. Then later Mr. Nice Guy came over, walked the neighborhood looking at the snow and Christmas lights, made snow angels in someone else yard, etc. It was very very romantic. But just when things start going awesome, something happens and my hairy feelers are back up. Just going to really have to do some soul searching on what I should do. I like this guy ALOT but yet things pop up that make me wonder if our relationship is going somewhere. Just confused at the moment, but I'm thinking this all day Golden Girls marathon is gonna do the trick. :)
Thoughts on how to handle this?

Tuesday, December 1, 2009

Date #32-Just chillin'

Just had date #32 with "Mr. Nice Guy." We just hung out at my house and he brought me soup in the cold, wet rain (insert hand over heart and say, "Awwww.") We decided to not be exclusive just yet, and to just date and have fun. I feel SOOOO much better, because for awhile I was getting "SKURRED." It's just I have less game than UNO and have NO CLUE as to what in the hell I'm doing when it comes to men. Now I'm starting to "kinda" like him a lot, and while that scares me a little, it also tickles me too. :)

Sunday, November 29, 2009

Dates 29, 30, and 31-Sunny Skies with a Possibility of Awesomeness

I had 3 dates with a really great guy this weekend. 1, 2, 3! We had a great time and I REALLY like him. I want us to have fun and get to know each other. I am a little trepidatious though because I don't want to get hurt or hurt anyone. Holy Grail really broke my heart and while I know that wasn't his intention, it still happened.

Wednesday, November 25, 2009

#27 and #28-Having Fun in H'burg

Today I met my childhood friend for lunch today and had a blast! He is SOOOOO SWEET! We gotta find him a good woman-he is awesome, and if he wasn't like my brother I would've married him years ago (however, at lunch today we swore that if we weren't married by 40 we were taking the plunge together. He's my backup!)

Then tonight I had coffee and quite an adventure with my new awesome friend "The Hammer." He is supa smart, supa funny, supa cute, and supa sweet!!!!!!!!!!

Sometimes it takes you going out with really AWESOME, FABULOUS guys to see that the ones you had gone out with and thought they hung the moon weren't really "up to snuff." PTL for that!

Thursday, November 19, 2009

#26-Margarita Man

So, tonight I had a quick date with a guy who's in the restaurant business. He even let me meet his son, which was really cool. I had a margarita and his little boy said, "I want some of your drink" and the guy told him it tasted like beer! His son said, "Oooh yuck! I don't want any then!" MM was REALLY pushing me coming over to his house tonight and us hanging out this weekend. Like SUPER pushing us to hang out, then asked me why he was on a "probationary period." HUH? This may get interesting.....

Wednesday, November 18, 2009

Date #25-Mr. Awesome & Racy Racists

Tonight, even though I am knock knock knockin' on death's door with "the crud", I still mustered enough strength to drag my corpse-looking tail on a date with a guy that I've known for awhile. He is Mr. Awesome-college educated, former college football player, good looking, and just off the charts precious! We've been friends forever but I've secretly had a huge schoolgirl crush on him. We had a great time, as always, and have swore to hang out at least once a month. YAY!!!!! More dates to blog about!! :)

Last night I talked to a guy for the first time and the 3rd question outta the gate was, "So, you ever date any niggers?" "No," I replied, "and what a coincidence I don't date RACISTS either!!!" Jackass!

Saturday, November 14, 2009

Best Dating Email Ever!!

I got this awhile back, and just had to share. Classic!!

"Well I'm White, 6'-2" Tall, and 240 lbs. Full Beard grey tho It was brown before I got shot. ouch."

I don't even wanna know HOW you get shot in the beard. :)

Friday, November 13, 2009

#24-Four is NOT The Magic Number (DUI Guy)

It was bound to happen. All this dating guys that have the same names has surely got me in trouble. I met a guy awhile back that told me, in his opening email to me, that he's had 4 DUI's since JANUARY (it's now NOVEMBER!) When he called the other night, I thought he was someone else and booked the date for tonight, only to REALIZE AFTER WE HAD TALKED that I was indeed going out with DUI Guy.

I summoned the nerve (and chugged plenty of TheraFlu since I have walking pneumonia as well as jam out to some Stones) before the date to get myself "prepared." I didn't know what would await for me when I arrived at the restaurant we were to meet at. DUI Guy showed up, and we had a great dinner. While he is very nice and just a good ol' boy, his tales of not only 4 DUIs in year, but his twice-failed attempts at rehab as well as his FOUR FAILED MARRIAGES, has me thinking that maybe he just ain't "the one." While he's telling me about rehab he is drinking copious amounts of alcohol, to which I"m thinking "I"m so glad I drove here." He also tried to get me to come to his house, which I told him NO because I do that on first dates. Then he kind of got offended that I turned him down. I told him a REAL LADY doesn't chase after a man (and we don't.)

In the middle of the date, IN THE RESTAURANT NO DOUBT, he comes up besides me and says, "May I?" and tries to kiss me in public! "Oh no!", I said. I have to get to know you (i.e. date you for a long time) before any PDA is shown on my part. After the date, he walked me to my car (which was nice) and pecked me twice. Then, AS SOON AS I GOT HOME, my phone is blowing up. It's him with a gazillion questions: "What time are you coming over here tomorrow?" "Do you like me?" "Why couldn't you come over tonight?" "When am I going to see you again?" "When are we going deer hunting?" I nicely told him that I had plans on Saturday (which I have already made before he and I went out) and that I couldn't, but that maybe soon we can get together. He says, "This sounds like a fuckin' blowoff." I told him it wasn't, but that I really had to go because first of all I am SICK WITH PNEUMONIA and am ready for bed.

Let me say that DUI Guy was very funny, a good ol' Southern boy, and we hit it off awesomely. However, he is too damn needy! He is looking for love RIGHT THIS MINUTE. He's not interested in courting/dating, nothing. I think if I told him I wanted to marry him tonight I'd be a newlywed.

How do I handle this? I did tell him I wanted to go deer hunting on his property because I do love to hunt, but damn, while I'm picking out hunting trails will I be picking out china patterns, too?

Thursday, November 12, 2009

Mawmaw's Bowl and Mixed up Feelings

So, I came home today to find my bowl that Holy Grail Asshole borrowed on my front steps. I was expecting a note of some sort (you know how "romantical" we Southern women can get), but alas, there was nothing there but the beloved bowl. I am not calling him to thank him for bringing me the bowl, since it was ME that prepared that food from scratch (do you ladies know how hard it is to make stuff WITHOUT a box? Lord Jesus!) and that I'm the one that should be thanked. But that'll never happen.

This is my last rant about Holy Grail. I'm moving on to greener pastures. And I'm glad I had so many of my friends and family praying about him and I because it didn't take long for the Lord to show me "he ain't for you, Nat."

I do have a semi-date tomorrow night that I can't WAIT to blog about-this guy seems like he's hysterical, so I'll have LOTS to write about!

Wednesday, November 11, 2009

A Long Shot At Love Just Got SHOT DOWN!

So, after a great date with Holy Grail on Sunday, I hadn't heard from him since then, and started to get a little worried. From the day we met we've talked every day, so not hearing from him for a day or two made my hairy feelers come up. So, today I just sent him a text telling him Happy Veterans Day (he served in Iraq) and if everything was OK with us since I hadn't heard from him. Via TEXT MESSAGE this is what he tells me: : "Well, I just think we may be looking for different things. I just want to see someone I can see every once in a while (that's code for sex.) I don't really wanna be in a relationship. Also, I'm pretty sure I'll never get married again. It's only fair that you know that. "

Here are my issues: Don't get on a dating service and SAY you're looking for a "soulmate" if that's not your intentions. It's misleading and you're misrepresenting yourself to others who truly are looking for love. Second, Holy Grail told me he likes me and wants to take things slow. I've played it cool and let HIM doing the pursuing. I told him from the first date that I was looking for something long term, so he knew this up front. Plus he seemed to infer that he was looking for long-term love as well. GRRR!!

This is the advice I need: he's got my grandmother's bowl that I put some leftover food in from Sun. night for him to eat. He said he'd give it back. How do I go about getting it back? Also, how should I respond? My dating panel of experts (Dean, Charlie, the BAM Girls, and The Unholy Trinity) are telling me to get the bowl back and be nice (which, of course I am). What else should I do? Advice is super needed. I'm just so hurt but in a way glad it all came out in the wash. Ya know? Looks like my blog is back on!!!!

Sunday, November 8, 2009

#23-Jambalaya, Crawfish Pie, Filet Gumbo

I had an amazing date with Holy Grail. I am in super heavy like with this guy. I'm smitten. I cooked for him and he ate it and DIDN'T DIE-WHEW!
Y'all just pray for us that we take things slow and hopefully develop into something more. :)

Friday, November 6, 2009

Douche Canoes and Ghost Hunting

SO, this guy asks me out for Sat. night. Even though I am really digging on some Holy Grail, I feel like I still need to date. I told him we could meet at 5 for our date, but that i'd have to leave around 8:30 because a group of us are going ghost hunting. Ladies and gents, this guy WENT OFF on me! Here are some of the texts he sent me:

"So, I see how it goes. I just went from being your baby to buddy." (First of all, I HAVE NEVER CALLED THIS GUY "BABY" BEFORE-EVER!!)

"How could you make plans after your date with me? That is fucked up. I want you and your undivided attention. How could you just drop me for some bullshit like ghost hunting?" Um, hun, you're about to see how I "drop" folks.

This is after I talked to him on the phone FOR THE FIRST TIME. It's none of his damn business what I do after our date is over with. NONE! He's got control issues and thank GOD he showed his true colors up front. What a douche canoe.

Thursday, November 5, 2009

What The *&#$ Did You Just Ask Me?

So, I met this guy online awhile back-he "seemed" nice so I gave him my phone number. Now granted, I've never seen this guy in person. I told him I was home sick and I swear on a stack of Joel Osteen devotional books he says, "Hell yes! Having sex with someone who's got fever is awesome because it's SO HOT DOWN THERE. Where do you live? " I thought he was joking but was DEAD ASS SERIOUS.
A "hope you feel better soon"would've sufficed. What a jackass!!! I totally told him to F**K OFF, too!

Tuesday, November 3, 2009

#21 and #22-Bone Collector and Holy Grail

I had a date last night with a very sweet archaeologist, but the whole time I kept thinking about Holy Grail THE ENTIRE EVENING. I ended the date as soon as I could because I just couldn't quit thinking about him.

Tonight I went out on my 3rd date with HG, and we had a great great great great time. We are taking things slow and I'm loving that someone is wanting to "court" me. What a crazy concept. He is amazing. I hope I don't scare him off!

Monday, November 2, 2009

Whew!! Now I Feel Better

I heard from Holy Grail last night-he sent me a couple of texts! Whew! I really like him and am going to play it cool. I don't want to scare him off (again, I'm fabulous at that) but hope we can see each other again. And I've been thinking, if he's not into me, I know there has got to be someone out there who is, so quit SWEATING over it!!

Sunday, November 1, 2009

Date #20-Holy Grail

So, I had #20 with Holy Grail. We had an AWESOME AWESOME AWESOME time! I really really really like him, too. Did I tell you that I really like him?

So, yesterday HG tells me that he wants us to take things slow, that he doesn't want to rush into anything, and I agreed to this because I too, don't want to jump the gun too seriously. HG also told me that we would definitely see each other again because he did want to see me. Today, I have heard nothing from him. Nothing. So now, I don't know what to do. I'm afraid I've scared him off somehow (I'm really good at scaring guys away.)

My team of dating experts have told me to lay low for awhile, let him come to me, so that's what I'm going to do. No contact for a few days. But, after a few days should I contact him? I hate this shit!!! UGH!

Any and all advice is greatly appreciated.

Thursday, October 29, 2009

#19 - The Holy Grail of Men

Tonight I met the "Holy Grail of Men"-the educated good ole boy! We had a great sushi date and talked for over 2 hours-great time! #19 is everything a true Southern girl is looking for-an educated guy who still has a some country boy left in him! I had a really good time with this guy, too-he's tall, nice build, has a college degree, super cute, and is a really nice guy. He texted me after the date and said he'd like to see me again, so I'm super stoked. :)

Oh, and about the guy I had dates #17 and #18 with-don't think he's interested in me anymore. :(

#17 and #18-What's the Forecast?

Dates #17 and #18 were with a VERY nice guy I met. We had Sunday brunch then two days ago hung out until about 1:30 a.m. (which is BLASPHEMOUS for this here school teacher, but hey, cute AND nice boys are hard to come by-I had to take full advantage.) I really like this guy, too. So sweet, very nice, quick-witted (which you have to be if you're gonna roll with me), loves music, and we just seem to hit it off really well. I haven't heard from him in a couple of days so we'll see where this goes. Fingers crossed he'll call/text very soon!!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Dates #15 and #16-Hot Cock Sauce and Mute Men

I, again, booked 2 dates last night. The first one went pretty well but the second one? Not so much. #15 is a former friend of my ex who we'll refer to as "The Sumbitch That Stomped A Mudhole in My Heart and Walked It Dry" (the ex not his friend.) He is in the logging industry, and a few months ago professed his undying love for me and even told me he'd given up "lawgin" for me (logging for all my Yankee friends.) As sweet and tempting as that offer was, I politely declined. So, #15 calls me up and wants to take me out. We go out to eat Chinese where I made him try the Hot Cock sauce (you know at the Chinese restaurants the red chili sauce with the rooster on the bottle) and asked him to get a picture of me with the bottle. #15 lit up, threw his silverware down, and in his best country accent, said, "Hey yeah, dat'll work!" (Hell yeah, that will work!) He took me home after our lovely meal of sesame chicken and Hot Cock Sauce, and then it was on to Date #16.

#16 is a sweet guy. Very much so. But he is SOOO painfully shy that for for 2 hours he said little to no words to me. Nothing. If I asked a question, I got a one to two-word response. I think he was trying to be more "not shy", but still. I'm a talker and if I have to "work" at keeping the conversation going, I quickly lose interest. I'm thinking of putting MM on the friends list and that's it. He kept saying he wanted to party but then I was home by midnight. That's not partying by ANY means.

Monday, October 19, 2009

#14-State Fairs and Irish Food

Tonight I had another date with Mr. Meteorologist (my coffee date from last week.) Damn, he is so sweet! Tonight we went to the fair again (I do love me a fair now), and just walked the midway, rode a couple of rides (we held hands on the Ferris Wheel-insert hand over heart and say, "Awwww!"), then left to go to another favorite watering hole of mine to eat some great Irish food. We talked and talked and had a great time, and he told me he "kinda" likes me. I kinda like him too, so we'll see.

UPDATE: The 22-year-old (Mr. Sticks) sent me a text yesterday and this is what it said:
"I sure wish I could have some of your P-U-S-S-Y." Classy! (I texted back something S-U-P-E-R I-N-A-P-P-R-O-P-R-I-A-T-E, too. It's called BOUNDARIES, motherf**ker!) He is now put on the "Do Not Date" list, unless I run out of dates and THEN I'll find him. Lord bless his heart!

#12 and #13-It's Raining Men, Part 2

Wow! 4 dates in 2 nights-I either need a pimp or a swing bed at our state sanitorium!

#12 (Soulshine) and I went to the State Fair and saw Credence play and they were awesome!! Soulshine bought me a much-needed stiff drink at my favorite watering hole, and when I tried to compensate for the drink by paying his way into the fair, WOULD NOT HEAR of me doing such a thing! He was brought up right! I think Soulshine and I are just going to be best friends, and I'm totally OK with that. He is precious and is going to make a woman very happy one day. But dang, what a nice guy to go on dates with! :)

So, after the date with Soulshine, I go BACK to my watering hole and one of my best guy friend's best friend calls and wants to hang out. So, I have #13 meet me out and he says the most bestest line ever to me: "I have $100 to spend all on you!" Well, my selective hearing was working quite keenly at that moment, because I believe, after hitting several houses of ill-repute, he was penniless! #13 wasn't an unlucky number for me-he is a super sweet guy I've known for awhile and hope that maybe we can go out again in the near future. :)

Thursday, October 15, 2009

#10 and #11-It's Raining Men, Hallelujah!!

Tonight I did the UNTHINKABLE and booked two dates in one night! #10 was with a very nice guy who is a meteorologist for the state. We met at a quaint little coffee shop and talked for about 2 hours. He's a couple of years younger than me, very nice, seems to be straightforward, and loves music. After the date he texted that he had a great time and that he couldn't wait to see me again.

Date #11 was with a computer programmer who's 40 and never been married. He was very shy and not a big talker. I had to really work to get the conversation going, which ladies and gents we ALL know how fun THAT can be. He is really sweet, and did share that he has a fondness for honky tonks (which, if you've ever met me you know I have a soft spot for honky tonks as well.) He was very nice but I had to REALLY work to keep the conversation going, whereas with #10 we just talked and talked and talked.

I was really scared that somehow we would all run into each other and I'd come out looking "skanky" (reference when Charlotte did it and got smooth busted on "Sex and The City.") But that didn't happen. Also, Mr. Ranger called me last night at 10 o'clock wanting me to come over-said it had been a week since he'd seen me and that he "needed" me. He says he was "only joking" but guys only do that shit to see if you'll take the bait. So, Mr. Ranger may be on his way out, but not before another date. I mean, I DO have a quota to fill!

PS: Mr. Coupon BOGO Dude showed up at my favorite night spot last night, ate all my tamales, and then when I let him take a 3rd grade math test I was grading, wrote ALL KIND OF INAPPROPRIATE STUFF on there. Man, he is such a charmer!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

From the mind and soul of Date #6 (AKA Rock Band or Frankie the Finger)

There are two things that are undeniably true. Chicks love lines. My lines are awesome. So I used my best ones on this hot blonde! First I dropped some awesome bombs on the target like checking the label of her shirt and saying, "Yep, just like I thought...made in Heaven. Cuz I know you're an angel."

We watched a little TV and I let fly another one, "Do your feet hurt baby? Cuz you been running through my dreams all day!" Boom! score another direct hit for me!

I brought out a little snack and tossed out a golden oldie, "These Tostitos are nice but you should really try my breakfast...should I call you, or just give you a nudge?"

I could tell that all my missiles were on target so I decided to try out some new material. "Can I stick my finger in your va&*%#?" I asked.

I thought it was a cool question, but for some reason she didn't get it! Can you believe she actually didn't go for it? Oh well, you know what they say about blondes. If she can't get with the program and understand a fine-ass line when she hears it - who needs her. Besides, she was four minutes late when she showed up.

When the next Ms. Right shows up I'll be ready. I addition to the whole finger in the va jay jay thing, I'm thinking about using this one, "I wish you were a drum so I could bang you all day!"

Either that or "Can I stick my thumb in your cleavage?"

One of them is bound to work.

Friday, October 9, 2009

#9-I've Got Too Much (clap clap) Time on My Hands

Tonight I had a date with Mr. Sticks. When I asked him if he wanted to go to the fair with me he told me he had to ask his mom first to see if he could go (he's over 18. WTF?) We went to the state fair and saw a concert. The concert was great and he even found me a guitar pick on the floor (which was sweet!) We then went to the beer tent to listen to a band and chill out, then we walked around the fair, and held hands (another kinda sweet moment.) As he walks me to my car, his phone starts ringing and he says, "Oh, it's her. I ain't answering that." So I said jokingly, "I bet that's your ex calling", and he says, "Yeah it's her alright. I'll just call her when I get home." Nice.

So, Mr. Sticks walks me back to my car, and we start kissing. And then he (wait for it, wait for it) asks me IF HE CAN TOUCH MY BREASTS! Of course I told him NO and that I had to go home. Then he told me THAT HE LOVES ME and is now blowing my phone up. Lord bless this mess! Where and when did guys start asking to put their hands on girls' bodies? At least they're asking, but still. TOO MUCH TOO SOON! Plus I had to pay for EVERYTHING that night. EVERYTHING! Hell, I'm poor, too!

I'm hoping my dates next week will be as exciting as the ones from this week have been. What do I do? I'm thinking of ignoring his phone calls. I will handle this in the best adult way possible. I will handle this in the best adult way possible. I will handle this.............

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Dates #7 and #8-Mr. Ranger

I've had 2 dates this week with another guy we'll refer to as Mr. Ranger. He's a little big older than me, but he is REALLY COOL. We've met at two restaurants this week and so far so good. He and I just talked and talked when we were out, he was very polite, is very funny, and has a daughter that he adores. Kudos so far!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

#6-You Wanna Put Your Finger WHERE??????

I had date #6 with RB (Rock Band). I went to his house, ate pizza, and watched a movie. In the middle of the movie he just randomly asks me if he can put his finger in my, well um, privates. Then he tells me he was joking. THEN he makes a joke about dildos and how he's gonna buy me one for Christmas. I was mortified. MORTIFIED! Things were going so well! I've been getting weird signals from him, too. For instance, I told him I'd see him at 6 and was running late and was looking for my phone to call him to tell RB that I'd be late, and he had already left me a message asking WHERE I WAS and how I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THERE ALREADY. Sorry. I can't and won't be micro-managed. Plus, he made super heavy suggestions that we needed to hang out every night and when I couldn't visit with him he'd send really weird messages. Just weird.

I'm glad I met a nice guy, but I don't think he's The One. :(

Wednesday, September 30, 2009

#5-Textual Harrassment & Nice Guys

My #5 date was with a guy who, an hour before we were to meet, decides to just randomly tell me that he is jobless and lives with his mom. Way to get me fired up about the date!! We met up, made small talk, then HE WAS TEXTING THE ENTIRE TIME! Then, he ate all my fries, and then when I ordered a beer but didn't want it he just took it and started drinking it. Didn't even have the upbringing to ask me if he could have it. The date started at 6 p.m. The date ended at 6:49 p.m. Now he's texting saying he really wants a girl that will please him and "can't wait to see me again." And then he called me sugar britches. Well, he TEXTED me that I was "sugar britches." This now concludes the dating portion of the evening.

On a positive note, I have been talking to a guy and we've been trying to go out, but he/I have always had something on the nights the other one didn't. The guy called tonight to see about getting together this weekend, but then told me he had a lot going on, as do I. So, he then calls back and politely tells me that because our schedules are so crazy right now that he thinks we should maybe try again at a later date to meet. KUDOS KUDOS KUDOS!! I have NEVER had a guy be so nice and straightforward with me in my WHOLE LIFE! He was so nice about everything, and told me he didn't want to lead me on at all. Now I want to MEET this guy because he's straight up!

It was a ying/yang night tonight.

Tuesday, September 29, 2009

#4-Another date with #3

So, last night "Rock Band" (he loves this game) and I go out to eat at a great little restaurant. I'm very excited about having a 2nd date, which is something I haven't had in quite awhile. We then drove around listening to music and just talking. It was really sweet. I told him that he didn't have to buy me dinner every time we hung out, and he said, "Well, I want to treat you the way you should be treated because you seem like a great girl." (Insert "sigh" here with your hands over your heart.)

Tonight RB wanted to see me but I had a LOT of things to do tonight, so we couldn't hang out. However, I'm a little concerned that this is WAY too much WAY too soon (again, I'm not used to 2nd dates, guys texting/calling me, being NICE to me) so I'm thinking that's why my hairy feelers are up. We'll see how this plays out. Stay tuned.

Sunday, September 27, 2009

#3-I Thnk I'm Turning Chinese I Really Think So

Date #3 was with a nice guy I met through some friends. We went and ate Chinese food which was awesome! He seemed very nervous on our date, which was kinda sweet. I had boots on and he was STILL taller than me (booyah!) He has a job and loves music, which is a good thing! We talked about music and our television shows (we love just about the same things-cool points right there), our jobs, etc. He opened the door for me and escorted me to my car (things a guy is SUPPOSED to do, in case some missed the memo!) He has a dry sense of humor, but it's not too dry. He texted me to tell me he had a great time and can't wait for us to hang out again. Kudos to #3 for being so sweet, holding the door for me, keeping the conversation going, and walking me to my car. He is very quiet and reserved so I'm not sure if he can handle me, but we shall see.........

Wednesday, September 23, 2009

From the mind and soul of Date #1 (AKA BoGo)

I, Dean Swift, from beyond the grave am receiving the thoughts of BoGo...

There are a few things that I can't get enough of, hot chicks and cheap food. I mean, I'm a red-blooded American man. What else should I be thinking about (other than maybe bass fishin' and NASCAR)? So the other day, while my girlfriend is off doin' whatever it is that chicks do when they're not worshipin' yours truly, I saddled up the Internet for ride through hottie-town, better known as Eharmony.com. And right there I find the prettiest thing I've seen in a while, a young Phillie named Natalie. I threw out the line and she hit the bait. Since I had a bunch of coupons for my favorite casual dining eateries, I picked a good one and made a date. When we got there I made sure to let the waitresses know that there would be a big tip in it for 'em if they made sure to hype me up when I got up to return some of my beer (if you know what I mean). It must have worked and them ladies earned every cent of that dollar! She was all smiles when I gave her my best lines about the cell phone, text messages and gettin' sexy! I made sure she knew I was a pure-bred ladies man by captivatin' her with stories about all my past lady friends and how much they liked pleasin' me. Yep, chalk up another one in the "win" column. I'd say "Coupon well spent!"


We all know there are at least two sides to every story. The love life of our dear Natalie is no exception. Since her suitors are anonymous, I am here to give them voice. My persona in this endeavour is Dean Swift, posting from the great beyond. Mr. Swift was a great satirist in his day and now from spirit world he can read the thoughts of Natalie's dates and post their thoughts here. Think of the posts as a séance of love with me as your humble medium channeling forth the innermost thoughts of the ghosts of dates past.

Enjoy - Dean Swift

Tuesday, September 22, 2009

My Favorite All-Time Dates

I'm listing in no particular order some of the dates that I've had that were an absolute blast! I have been dating "legally" (which means how long my mama and daddy actually know that I've been dating) for 16 years, so I will try to remember all of them.

1.) Mud riding in a guy's Toyota in the back of a field
2.) Going to Sunset at Symphony, sitting on a blanket with a bottle of wine, underneath the trees and stars of The Cedars Mansion
3.) Motorcycle riding (Harley, of course) all over South MS.
4.) Going to different concerts
5.) PROM NIGHT (9th through 12th grades!)
6.) Coon hunting and deer hunting (well, really I was with 3 other guys, but it was still a lot of fun!)
7.) Playing Pub Quiz at Hal and Mal's
8.) Staying in and watching a movie
9.) Trying sushi for the very first time and loving it!
10.) Driving the Natchez Trace in the fall on a Sunday afternoon
11.) Going to watch Mississippi State play in The Peach Bowl in Atlanta
12.) Attending the Crossroads Film Festival

**I"m sure more will come to me as I think about this topic and peruse old diaries for info!!**

What have been some of your most favorite dates and what ideas can you give me for creative dating locations/things to do?

Monday, September 21, 2009

New Date Coming Up!!

I'm going on Date #3 with a "REEELY" cute guy this week!! Any suggestions as to where we can go? What can we do? He hangs out at some really nice places, but doesn't go out much. What I'm digging about this guy is that he DIALS MY TELEPHONE NUMBER AND IT RINGS AND I PICK UP THE PHONE AND I HEAR HIS VOICE ON THE OTHER END AND WE SAY WORDS TO EACH OTHER THAT MAKE UP A CONVERSATION. What happened to calling a girl to actually "talk" to her instead of texting, instant messaging, emails, etc.? He's already scoring points with me on that part. Any and all suggestions would be helpful for this upcoming date. And also, I was told that red high heels will land a man. Fact or fiction?

Sunday, September 20, 2009

Date #2-Gotta Let Your Soulshine

Date #2 consisted of me having a great time with a guy who's funny, as tall as me, has a J-O-B, easy to talk to, wasn't pretensious, has the bluest eyes, and joked around with me in a way that didn't cross boundaries. I didn't feel nervous around him at all. I met him and his friend at a local pizza parlor to listen to a band-very laid back atmosphere, with good people, good tunes, and good food. He said he had fun as well and that we need to hang out more often, so I was excited to hear that. KUDOS to this guy for having a great first date! He was attentive, was not shy at all, initiated conversation, insisted that I try a slice of his pizza (shared), and really tried his best to ensure that I had a great time. If anything I have a new guy friend to hang around with, have a good time with, and can be myself.

Date #1-The Equal or Lesser Value Guy

I met this guy through a social network. He saw my pic on one of his friend's pages and sent me a friend request. He asked me out at the beginning of August, but my schedule was tied up the entire month. We finally decided to meet and go out on Sept. 7th (Labor Day.) He picked the restaurant and location, which was halfway between our places. As I meet this guy, he's not a bad-looking fellow, but when he starts to talk I know immediately this date is on the Highway to Hell. While I appreciated his compliments of me, I felt that they went way overboard WAY too quickly within the first five minutes of us meeting. I told him that I texted more than I talked, and his opening joke to break the ice was "Text messagin' on ma'phone is like oral sex. I can receive but I can't send." I was speechless. Really, #1? He had apparently been talking me up to the waitstaff because every time he got up to use the bathroom, make a "business call" (we'll get to that later), or go to the salad bar, the sweet little waitress would come over and ask, "Do you like him? He is so cute! I can tell he is REALLY into you." "Aw, sweet," is what I said, but "Aw shit" was what I was thinking.

When it was time to order, he directed me to a particular section of the menu to choose "whutevur yu wont, darlin." I thought this was odd, seeing I only had 6 things to choose from, but hey, he was paying so I ordered from said section. Then #1 starts talking about the relationship he is currently in with a girl he's having problems with. Said they had been broken up for about a week. I pointed out that he had started asking me out AT THE BEGINNING OF AUGUST, which would've put him in a relationship at the time he was trying to get me to go out with him. "Well, uh, uh, uh" was his response to that. THEN, as my meal is placed in front of me, I asked him why he was unhappy, to which he goes into detail about his girlfriend's "lady problems" (and I'm leaving it at that.) As the sweet little waitress walks by, I ask for a to-go box after hearing what I had just heard. My appetite and attention span were now gone.

It's time for the check (Thank God), I've already gotten my papers that I've started grading in mid-date organized, and my to-go box is packed. It is time for me to bounce. When the check comes, #1 whips out A COUPON for our meal, then says, "There's plenty where THESE came from!", winks at me, and then pays with our meal. With a coupon. At a family restaurant fast food chain where you can already eat there for under $15. He asked if he could see me again because I was so pretty, fun, adventurous, etc., but I told him that since he already had a girlfriend we should just be friends. And I have avoided his phone calls ever since. No more Buy One Get One dates for me.

Thursday, September 17, 2009

Introduction to My Blog

Sept. 7th, 2009: It was one of the worst dates I had ever had. I was tired of looking for love, tired of finding all the assholes, and was just tired of being tired. As I came home from this particular date in a Seasonique rage, I texted my neighbors to tell them of my "night on the town." I was quickly invited over to tell my side of the story, and get some "bless your hearts" before I stomped up the street to my house for bedtime. As I'm talking to my fab neighbors, I get this great idea that since I have all these amazing, hilarious dating stories, that they should not just be for my friends' ears. The world needs to hear about my misadventures in the love department. My neighbor Tom decided it was such a great idea, but that the men's version of the date needed to be heard as well (the old "2 sides to every story" kinda deal.) So, to make our dreams come true, I have decided to go out on 100 dates this year, starting September 7th 2009, and I will blog about each date on here. Tom will give the guy's side of the story. So, here we go!