Thursday, October 29, 2009

#19 - The Holy Grail of Men

Tonight I met the "Holy Grail of Men"-the educated good ole boy! We had a great sushi date and talked for over 2 hours-great time! #19 is everything a true Southern girl is looking for-an educated guy who still has a some country boy left in him! I had a really good time with this guy, too-he's tall, nice build, has a college degree, super cute, and is a really nice guy. He texted me after the date and said he'd like to see me again, so I'm super stoked. :)

Oh, and about the guy I had dates #17 and #18 with-don't think he's interested in me anymore. :(

#17 and #18-What's the Forecast?

Dates #17 and #18 were with a VERY nice guy I met. We had Sunday brunch then two days ago hung out until about 1:30 a.m. (which is BLASPHEMOUS for this here school teacher, but hey, cute AND nice boys are hard to come by-I had to take full advantage.) I really like this guy, too. So sweet, very nice, quick-witted (which you have to be if you're gonna roll with me), loves music, and we just seem to hit it off really well. I haven't heard from him in a couple of days so we'll see where this goes. Fingers crossed he'll call/text very soon!!

Sunday, October 25, 2009

Dates #15 and #16-Hot Cock Sauce and Mute Men

I, again, booked 2 dates last night. The first one went pretty well but the second one? Not so much. #15 is a former friend of my ex who we'll refer to as "The Sumbitch That Stomped A Mudhole in My Heart and Walked It Dry" (the ex not his friend.) He is in the logging industry, and a few months ago professed his undying love for me and even told me he'd given up "lawgin" for me (logging for all my Yankee friends.) As sweet and tempting as that offer was, I politely declined. So, #15 calls me up and wants to take me out. We go out to eat Chinese where I made him try the Hot Cock sauce (you know at the Chinese restaurants the red chili sauce with the rooster on the bottle) and asked him to get a picture of me with the bottle. #15 lit up, threw his silverware down, and in his best country accent, said, "Hey yeah, dat'll work!" (Hell yeah, that will work!) He took me home after our lovely meal of sesame chicken and Hot Cock Sauce, and then it was on to Date #16.

#16 is a sweet guy. Very much so. But he is SOOO painfully shy that for for 2 hours he said little to no words to me. Nothing. If I asked a question, I got a one to two-word response. I think he was trying to be more "not shy", but still. I'm a talker and if I have to "work" at keeping the conversation going, I quickly lose interest. I'm thinking of putting MM on the friends list and that's it. He kept saying he wanted to party but then I was home by midnight. That's not partying by ANY means.

Monday, October 19, 2009

#14-State Fairs and Irish Food

Tonight I had another date with Mr. Meteorologist (my coffee date from last week.) Damn, he is so sweet! Tonight we went to the fair again (I do love me a fair now), and just walked the midway, rode a couple of rides (we held hands on the Ferris Wheel-insert hand over heart and say, "Awwww!"), then left to go to another favorite watering hole of mine to eat some great Irish food. We talked and talked and had a great time, and he told me he "kinda" likes me. I kinda like him too, so we'll see.

UPDATE: The 22-year-old (Mr. Sticks) sent me a text yesterday and this is what it said:
"I sure wish I could have some of your P-U-S-S-Y." Classy! (I texted back something S-U-P-E-R I-N-A-P-P-R-O-P-R-I-A-T-E, too. It's called BOUNDARIES, motherf**ker!) He is now put on the "Do Not Date" list, unless I run out of dates and THEN I'll find him. Lord bless his heart!

#12 and #13-It's Raining Men, Part 2

Wow! 4 dates in 2 nights-I either need a pimp or a swing bed at our state sanitorium!

#12 (Soulshine) and I went to the State Fair and saw Credence play and they were awesome!! Soulshine bought me a much-needed stiff drink at my favorite watering hole, and when I tried to compensate for the drink by paying his way into the fair, WOULD NOT HEAR of me doing such a thing! He was brought up right! I think Soulshine and I are just going to be best friends, and I'm totally OK with that. He is precious and is going to make a woman very happy one day. But dang, what a nice guy to go on dates with! :)

So, after the date with Soulshine, I go BACK to my watering hole and one of my best guy friend's best friend calls and wants to hang out. So, I have #13 meet me out and he says the most bestest line ever to me: "I have $100 to spend all on you!" Well, my selective hearing was working quite keenly at that moment, because I believe, after hitting several houses of ill-repute, he was penniless! #13 wasn't an unlucky number for me-he is a super sweet guy I've known for awhile and hope that maybe we can go out again in the near future. :)

Thursday, October 15, 2009

#10 and #11-It's Raining Men, Hallelujah!!

Tonight I did the UNTHINKABLE and booked two dates in one night! #10 was with a very nice guy who is a meteorologist for the state. We met at a quaint little coffee shop and talked for about 2 hours. He's a couple of years younger than me, very nice, seems to be straightforward, and loves music. After the date he texted that he had a great time and that he couldn't wait to see me again.

Date #11 was with a computer programmer who's 40 and never been married. He was very shy and not a big talker. I had to really work to get the conversation going, which ladies and gents we ALL know how fun THAT can be. He is really sweet, and did share that he has a fondness for honky tonks (which, if you've ever met me you know I have a soft spot for honky tonks as well.) He was very nice but I had to REALLY work to keep the conversation going, whereas with #10 we just talked and talked and talked.

I was really scared that somehow we would all run into each other and I'd come out looking "skanky" (reference when Charlotte did it and got smooth busted on "Sex and The City.") But that didn't happen. Also, Mr. Ranger called me last night at 10 o'clock wanting me to come over-said it had been a week since he'd seen me and that he "needed" me. He says he was "only joking" but guys only do that shit to see if you'll take the bait. So, Mr. Ranger may be on his way out, but not before another date. I mean, I DO have a quota to fill!

PS: Mr. Coupon BOGO Dude showed up at my favorite night spot last night, ate all my tamales, and then when I let him take a 3rd grade math test I was grading, wrote ALL KIND OF INAPPROPRIATE STUFF on there. Man, he is such a charmer!

Tuesday, October 13, 2009

From the mind and soul of Date #6 (AKA Rock Band or Frankie the Finger)

There are two things that are undeniably true. Chicks love lines. My lines are awesome. So I used my best ones on this hot blonde! First I dropped some awesome bombs on the target like checking the label of her shirt and saying, "Yep, just like I thought...made in Heaven. Cuz I know you're an angel."

We watched a little TV and I let fly another one, "Do your feet hurt baby? Cuz you been running through my dreams all day!" Boom! score another direct hit for me!

I brought out a little snack and tossed out a golden oldie, "These Tostitos are nice but you should really try my breakfast...should I call you, or just give you a nudge?"

I could tell that all my missiles were on target so I decided to try out some new material. "Can I stick my finger in your va&*%#?" I asked.

I thought it was a cool question, but for some reason she didn't get it! Can you believe she actually didn't go for it? Oh well, you know what they say about blondes. If she can't get with the program and understand a fine-ass line when she hears it - who needs her. Besides, she was four minutes late when she showed up.

When the next Ms. Right shows up I'll be ready. I addition to the whole finger in the va jay jay thing, I'm thinking about using this one, "I wish you were a drum so I could bang you all day!"

Either that or "Can I stick my thumb in your cleavage?"

One of them is bound to work.

Friday, October 9, 2009

#9-I've Got Too Much (clap clap) Time on My Hands

Tonight I had a date with Mr. Sticks. When I asked him if he wanted to go to the fair with me he told me he had to ask his mom first to see if he could go (he's over 18. WTF?) We went to the state fair and saw a concert. The concert was great and he even found me a guitar pick on the floor (which was sweet!) We then went to the beer tent to listen to a band and chill out, then we walked around the fair, and held hands (another kinda sweet moment.) As he walks me to my car, his phone starts ringing and he says, "Oh, it's her. I ain't answering that." So I said jokingly, "I bet that's your ex calling", and he says, "Yeah it's her alright. I'll just call her when I get home." Nice.

So, Mr. Sticks walks me back to my car, and we start kissing. And then he (wait for it, wait for it) asks me IF HE CAN TOUCH MY BREASTS! Of course I told him NO and that I had to go home. Then he told me THAT HE LOVES ME and is now blowing my phone up. Lord bless this mess! Where and when did guys start asking to put their hands on girls' bodies? At least they're asking, but still. TOO MUCH TOO SOON! Plus I had to pay for EVERYTHING that night. EVERYTHING! Hell, I'm poor, too!

I'm hoping my dates next week will be as exciting as the ones from this week have been. What do I do? I'm thinking of ignoring his phone calls. I will handle this in the best adult way possible. I will handle this in the best adult way possible. I will handle this.............

Wednesday, October 7, 2009

Dates #7 and #8-Mr. Ranger

I've had 2 dates this week with another guy we'll refer to as Mr. Ranger. He's a little big older than me, but he is REALLY COOL. We've met at two restaurants this week and so far so good. He and I just talked and talked when we were out, he was very polite, is very funny, and has a daughter that he adores. Kudos so far!

Thursday, October 1, 2009

#6-You Wanna Put Your Finger WHERE??????

I had date #6 with RB (Rock Band). I went to his house, ate pizza, and watched a movie. In the middle of the movie he just randomly asks me if he can put his finger in my, well um, privates. Then he tells me he was joking. THEN he makes a joke about dildos and how he's gonna buy me one for Christmas. I was mortified. MORTIFIED! Things were going so well! I've been getting weird signals from him, too. For instance, I told him I'd see him at 6 and was running late and was looking for my phone to call him to tell RB that I'd be late, and he had already left me a message asking WHERE I WAS and how I WAS SUPPOSED TO BE THERE ALREADY. Sorry. I can't and won't be micro-managed. Plus, he made super heavy suggestions that we needed to hang out every night and when I couldn't visit with him he'd send really weird messages. Just weird.

I'm glad I met a nice guy, but I don't think he's The One. :(