Sunday, February 28, 2010

Date 64 and Weirdos on Every Corner

I had a really good date with Mr. Sweetie last Monday. We went to a local sports bar and shot the breeze about our weekend, our day at work, etc. I've spoken to him via text this week, but hardly doubt we'll go out again. Just didn't crank my tractor. Nice guy though. I hope I can maintain some type of friendship with him.

So, I met this guy through a dating website, told him that I would be at a certain bar here in town if he wanted to hang out. So, he comes to the bar, doesn't introduce himself or anything. Instead, he sits back and WATCHES me the whole time. So, later on that night, he texts me telling me about what I had on, what I was doing, who I was sitting with, etc. WEIRD! So, I finally meet him last night, and he said we'd hang out later on because he was at the same party with a group of friends. Well, today he tells me that he was watching me all night, what I was doing, blah blah blah. JUST WEIRD! He's gotta go-I don't know why he feels the need to "watch" me. I'm not scared though because I'm a good 2 heads taller than him and I'll whoop him if he even attempted to mess with me.

Been busy busy with work and other stuff, so the dating has had to take a backseat to all of my other extracurricular activities. Padre and I are still friends and he's now my neighbor. We hang out all the time and I'm glad we stayed friends. But, I'm beginning to get the Tin Man Syndrome. I'm just real hard hearted right now. With the Mississippi Hippie wanting to spend all of last weekend with me and then not hearing from him in over a week, it's getting harder on the old ticker with every fleeting disappointment each guy brings along into my life. I try to use my head instead of my heart so much. My friend Charlie says that you know it's a match when both the head AND the heart agree on someone. And I couldn't agree more.

Sunday, February 21, 2010

My article in the Jackson Free Press

Love is Hell (But Ain’t It Grand)

riptheskull / Dave

by Long Shot
February 10, 2010

“I just want to find my soulmate.

“Gee, I hope I find Mr. Right soon.”

"I wanna find someone who’ll follow me to the jumpin’ off place” as my friend’s grandparents used to say.

Haven’t we all been a little optimistic that maybe, just maybe, that “someone special” is out there, just for us? Our “plus one”? I guess getting older and hearing my biological clock ticking loudly, as well as seeing my once-single friends haul their Vera Wang-wearing tails into the sunset with some fabulous man in a major love whoopass (thanks, Malcolm White), I can’t help but wonder if there’s anyone for yours truly. So, in fall 2009, I began my benevolent, inconspicuous and infallible quest for heterosexual companionship.

I met a man through friends who seemed to be “intrigued” with me, and asked me out. I half-heartedly agreed to go out with him, only because it had been forever since anyone had asked me out. We met at a local restaurant franchise, where he started right out of the gate being sexually inappropriate, paying for our meal with a coupon, then saying, “There’s plenty more where these came from, darling.”


As soon as the date was over, I called to tell my neighbors about what a horrific night I’d had, and they invited me over with open arms and an open bar. With the suggestion of my fab neighbors, Tom and Kitty Ramsey, I decided not only would I blog about my dating misadventures, but I would set out to go on 100 dates in a calendar year and blog about every date, both the good and the bad. So far, since September 2009, I have been on 57 dates and man, what a long strange love trip it’s been.

I have met some great guys on my journey for heterosexual companionship, but have also met some real duds. For instance, I had one guy on the third date ask me if he could stick his finger in my vagina. I also had a prominent realtor in the Jackson metro area send me a video of him shaking his “hoorah stick” with his parents’ Olan Mills church directory picture in the background. I also went out with a guy who, within 15 minutes of meeting, told me about his four failed marriages, four DUIs (he got two in 2009), and his two failed stints at rehab, before trying to kiss me.

I also went out with a guy whom I thought was gay. My favorite gay friends advised me to give him the “Gay Aptitude” test (I’ll be more than happy to share this with you if we ever meet), upon which, sadly, he made a 70—barely passing by my standards, so he had to go. On my blog “A Long Shot At Love”, I even play a song for the guys that just don’t make the cut: The Gap Band’s “You Dropped The Bomb On Me.”

My quest for Mr. Right hasn’t been without some heartache. I met “Holy Grail” in October, and he totally took the wind out of my sails. He was what I call an “Educated Bubba”: he lived in the country but had a master’s degree; he can skin a deer and write a thesis. When he called it off, I was totally heartbroken. I mean, I thought he was The One. And there have been a couple of other men that I thought might be a potential suitor, but instead they gave me the dreaded “F” word speech: “let’s just be friends.”

My quest for a major love whoopass hasn’t been easy. Dating and love is both hell and grand, all in one. There’s no even keel. While getting rid of the obvious Mr. Wrongs, it’s been kind of hard to dust off my britches and get back out there after so many disappointments. After the last friend’s speech I decided I was done with trying to find a decent guy, but my friends, blog followers, and Facebook fans wouldn’t hear of me quitting and encouraged me. I am forever thankful for these newfound reluctant life coaches.

Friends ask me what I’ve learned from my whole experience, and I have to say the most important things I’ve learned is to just be yourself and trust your gut instincts when dating. No one likes fake, and if you’re putting on a dog-and-pony show just to get some poor sucker to like you, you only set yourself up for failure (done it, didn’t get the T-shirt.) Plus by being yourself, you weed out the jerks and other “sundry folk” that happen to be in the dating pool along with you.

My anthropological study has not only helped me, but I think it has helped others, too. I’ve had women and men give me some great advice while also seeking mine. My “dating panel of experts‘ómen, women, straight and gay—have been supportive and also protective of me. And I can’t tell you how awesome it is to have such a safety net of support.

Putting myself out there and being so proactive was tough at first; it still is tough. But I refuse to give up on finding the right person for me, whether it takes 100 dates or a 1,000. So, if any of you fellas out there think I’m the woman for you, holla at me. But please, baby please, no videos.

Dates 58-63: WHAT A WEEK

Sorry for not writing earlier-besides trying to become a Grammy-winning artist, save the world, and catch at least 7 hrs. of sleep I've been on a damn dating tour!!!! Whew!

Date 58 was with a really sweet guy who I call Mr. Sweetie. He is SOOO nice! Our date was the night before National Singles Awareness Day (Valentine's) so we met at a local deli and had a great time. We plan on going out later on this week-I couldn't see him this week due to ANOTHER story I'll get to in a few. He's very nice, has great taste in music, and has a JOB. Good people, if you ask me.

Dates 59-62 were with a guy who I mean I REALLY LIKED named the Mississippi Hippie. Our first date was on Valentine's Day, and since we had both partied like rock stars they night before and ALL of the restaurants were packed on V-day, we made the executive decision to go to a pool hall to shoot pool and take over the Internet Jukebox, playing Wilco and Neil Young. I can't tell you how much fun we had! We hung out Monday night and Tues. night, but only to find out his ex-girlfriend had hacked into his email account and gotten my phone number, which she decided to call and threaten both of us the ENTIRE Tues. night. UGH! Thurs. night she threatened to kill me (whatever, I'm still here, ain't I?) and the Hippie and I had a LONG talk about what he should do. The Mississippi Hippie is awesome on soooo many levels, but I haven't heard from him since Fri. morning, and it's now almost Monday. I hope he's either diffusing the situation with the Ex (because let me tell ya, when she threatened to beat my ass, the cowboy boots, Wranglers, and tank top WERE ON! Plus I had about 30 girls ready to jump in at any moment, which ROCKED!) or he's back with her. Whatever. I have no time for bullshit on my quest for heterosexual companionship.

Tonight I had a great date with a guy I'll call The Flame. Such a sweet guy! Likes Jesus and going out. We talked each other's heads off for 2 straight hours. He has a son that he is crazy about and I like that he's such a good daddy. And he seemed to be genuinely a sweet guy. We talked about how frustrating dating is, how we're happy that our once-single friends are now in major love whoopasses, but that we're waiting on when our Major Love Whoopass is gonna happen. We had a great time and I hope we will go on another date!

Thursday, February 4, 2010

Date 57-Gothic Cowboy Time and TMI from A Certain Boy

Tonight Gothic Cowboy and I went out to eat and had a great time. There are times I wished GC wasn't engaged to my best friend years ago, because he's such a great guy and one of my best guy friends. But we'll only be friends and I'm cool with that.

Then tonight the guy that gave me the friends speech a couple of weeks ago I texted just to say hey, and he lets me know he's gotta lady coming over to his house. WHY THE FUCK WOULD YOU TELL ME THAT? I know you're putting up some space (as am I) but damn, don't tell me that shit! Now I'm kinda down about it and don't know how to handle it. That shit kinda hurt. I wouldn't let him know I had a guy over, ya know, because I have class and tact (at times.) I told him I hoped they have a great time and left it at that. Guess it's better to know now than to ruin a good white dress.

Wednesday, February 3, 2010

Date 56-Birthday Beers and Burgers (and some decompressin' time)

Last night I had date #56 with one of my best guy friends who I'll call 'Gothic Cowboy" (he has piercings and tats yet wears ropers and Wranglers. LOL!) GC and I have been friends for years so he and I swapped killing field stories on our dating experiences in the last few months. Needless to say, he still had the best stories. It was awesome to decompress with GC and just talk to another male who's looking for love like me, and get a guy's point of view. I've always said this blog is NOT a man-bashing site at ALL, and I encourage and LOVE when the males on my dating panel of experts chime in with great advice. GC encouraged me to keep dating and to TRUDGE FORWARD, so I think that's what I'm going to do. I'm still going to take a much needed break from dating, at least for another couple of weeks, just to regroup and get my head and heart straight. I will say that taking the focus away from dating this past week has really freed up my time so that I can do other things that I've needed to do. Very cathartic to scratch off those chores/tasks on my "Things to Do" list.
So, I'm gonna take a lil' rest, then dust my britches off and get back out there dating again! Wish me luck!!