So Far So Stressfree Good!

So, after I made my public decree that I wasn't dating anymore, I went out last night and had a BLAST! I wasn't "trolling" for guys who I thought were "potentials." I purposely made an effort to not look at any guys or even acknowledge them (well SOME of them I did because I was at my birthday party and couldn't be rude, ya know.) And I can't tell ya how much stinking fun I had. I was myself. I didn't have my guard up trying to be something I'm not. I was with my best friends who have my best interest at heart and love me for WHO I AM. I danced with everyone at the blues dive and again wasn't trolling for a potential suitor. I think laying low from dating and going out with my good friends and having lots of fun will help me get my bearings together and hopefully rejuvenate me to continue my quest for heterosexual companionship. So, let me know when you're ready to throw down with me. And tomorrow I'm having the "Self Help Love Books Burning and Casserole Swap" Party at my house-burn baby burn! Those books didn't teach me a damn thing-however, reading is always a good thing so there ya go. :)

I Think I'm Done, Y'all

Padre came over last night and gave me the friends speech. Kudos to him for being a MAN and coming to my house in person to tell me this. We're going to remain friends, which is great, because he is a great guy. However, it really disappoints me that this is how all the guys I like end up going-in the friends directions. What the fuck am I doing wrong? Is it me? Do I need to start giving an exit interview so that I can see what's up? I've read all the books, all the articles, listened and watched with fevered fervor to all the talk shows about love and relationships. I've played it cool, I've played the game. I've let the guys pursue me. And all it's done is left me heartbroken.

I tried, y'all, but I'm afraid I came out a loser. I lost. I was proactive, I put myself out there, was open to all things possible. But I wasn't successful in my quest. I don't know if I should stop this anthropological project or not. I just don't know what to do. I think I'm gonna lay low for a couple of weeks, regroup, then see how I feel. I'm too close to my goal and I wanna see this through to fruition. But then I just don't know if the ol' ticker can handle any more upsets. I don't want to end up like the Tin Man, but I can very well see that happening too.

I cannot tell you guys ENOUGH how awesome all of you have been. Keep praying for me and all my "men"-I swear as soon as I date a guy I really like I ask folks to pray for us and that if it's not meant to be then to close this door and open another one and I swear within DAYS those guys are goners. So, I'm making God a part of A Long Shot at Love's dating panel of experts. Oh, and this weekend I'm having a Burning Man with all those self help love books-fuck that noise. I ain't reading another one.

Dates 54 & 55-Wow. Just Wow.

So, I had dates 54 and 55 with Padre. They were so much fun! Date 54 we made chocolate again, and we both talked talked talked talked all night. Then last night he came over and we just talked talked talked talked talked talked! I am really excited about this guy, but am being super trepidatious. I am thinking with my head AND heart and pray a LOT about our relationship. We have decided that NO MATTER WHAT HAPPENS we will remain friends, so I feel like I'm in a win win situation. I know I've liked a lot of guys and gotten "really excited" about a lot of them, but this one's different. I don't know how but it just is. In a good way. And yeah, I'm really excited about this one. :)

Date 53-Bad Teeth & Bad Pickup Lines, What a Combo!

I had drinks with a guy tonight who was very nice, real funny, a little "over the top" (and if you've ever met me and you know when I SAY it's over the top, it's OVAH DA TOP), had a good job, educated, etc. And y'all, this is gonna sound SO FREAKIN' NARCISSISTIC, but his teeth were TOE UP. Like, I couldn't even LOOK at him without noticing the "teeth." And he kept gnashing around talking and all I could think of is, "He will never get to third base with me. Ever." I'm a stickler for a "purdy mouth" and this guy's grill was WHOO! Bless his pea-pickin' heart. Am I a bad person for only noticing that and not looking at his personality? I mean, he was nice and he "paid for stuff", but I just kept looking at his mouth. I know this sounds mean, and I'm not in this to be mean-spirited AT ALL. Should I go out with him again to see if I can overcome the teeth issue? I mean he's in the public eye-you gotta have a nice smile when you're in the public view. I just feel bad even saying it, but feel like y'all can give me some feedback. But then when I told him I taught, he said, "Oooh, I'd sure like for you to tutor me sometime." I think THAT more than the teeth is what had me at hello.

Date 52-Sexual Chocolate

Padre took me to the candy shop he works at every National Singles Awareness Day (Valentine's Day) and we made chocolate. How cool of a "date" is that? I have not had that much fun in forever. Oh my Gosh. I tore through the samples while Padre encouraged me to "try everything!" I even saw how they make a chocolate penis! Haha! We had a blast. We stayed there for 5 hours just making candy and talking talking talking! So much fun, but don't be fooled by my blog heading, nothing sexual went on last night! :)

Date 51-Padre and Getting Axed Via Text Messaging-how awesome

Padre came over last night and for four hours we just talked and talked! What fun! He's a great guy who's had a mudhole stomped on his heart and walked dry just like I have, so we have a lot in common. He's a great friend and if nothing else ever develops from him, I hope we can stay friends.

I also got "my walking papers" from Dig Dug. He said I'm not bothering him but that his head is messed up and he doesn't wanna hurt me or ruin our friendship. Padre was over at the house when I got the text message from him and pretty much told me that was his "out." So, I'm done with him. And while I'm disappointed, I'm not all that DOWN about it. I didn't go "balls to the wall" and start getting my hopes up. I was very cautious and stayed cautious and made sure my heart stayed in a safe place as to not get hurt. I done good, I think. :)

I do want to add that Dig Dug is going through a lot right now, and sometimes the best thing to get over someone is to get on top of someone else. Time heals all wounds. I really do like him as a friend and hope we can remain friends but if not it's OK. Sometimes we all have to PTFO (Press the Fuck On!)

Date 50-HALFWAY DONE!

My 50th date was awesome!!!!!! I went out with "Padre" to go dancing and had a BLAST! Man he's a good dancer and we even celebrated by drinking champagne (he knows about the blog.) We had a great time!

The latest on my NYE Date: As much as I really REELY like him, I think it's time for him to sail. He blows me off a lot when I try to talk to him online, is real lackadaisical on returning text messages (if I can find time out of MY hectic schedule to tell you hello, then I can PROMISE you can do the same for me.) I'm just tired of making him a priority and him only making me an option. Matter of fact, I'm tired of EVERYONE in my life making me their "option" when I put them on the top priority list. Fuck that noise.

Dig Dug: Well, I don't know what's going on with him, but I tell you one thing-I sure just pumped the brakes on us. I called him the other night because we were both on the road traveling to talk and he acted like he didn't want to speak or that he didn't really wanna speak to me. I just got a super weird vibe from him, ya know? So today, I made the executive decision and sent him a text saying that I knew he was going through a hard time right now and if he needed to talk I would listen. I also told him that if he didn't want to date me that was fine but that I hoped we could be friends. No response as of yet. And if he DOESN'T respond, then that's fine too. I'm all about closure with folks.

Date 49-My belly hurts from laughing!

Last night I had another friendly date with the great guy from Saturday night. We just talked and talked and talked and he is super sweet! I think we're going out again tonight to go dancing and hang out again. He's lots of fun and totally not fake at all-what you see is what you get. Has no airs about him.

And Dig Dug is acting weird again-every time I mention us hanging out still, he never responds. So, guess what? I ain't bringing it up. If he wants to see me, he knows where to find me. My running after men shoes have DONE been hung up and put away. I'm ready to be chased!!!

Date 48-Baby, Don't Ya Panic, Cuz I'm Ya Shade Tree Mechanic

I had lunch today with a really nice guy and he's REELLLY sweet, but again no sparks. DAMN! I am meeting really nice, sweet, funny, outgoing, etc. guys, but they are just not cranking my tractor. However, I'm totally done with dating bad boys too. I wonder why it is I'm not attracted to these guys who are x,y,z. I mean, that's what I'm looking for, right?

I will say that all of this dating is giving me a lower-bullshit tolerance. No more are the days where I'm putting up with mess because of whatever reason. Nope, those days are gone. If you "run up, you gone get done up", as my kids at school say. So, if I come out of this "killing field" alive with no man by my side, then it was all worth it to learn not to put up with bullshit, from men or anyone else for that matter.

And my New Year's Eve date? History!

Dates 46 &47-One was Fun, One was NOT Fun

I had Date 46 with a guy I've given 3 chances to get to know him and see if any sparks fly, but I just don't like him like that. We went to dinner the other night and it was good, but I still wasn't feeling it. Bummer.

Last night I went on a friendly date with my guy friend and we had a BLAST dancing all over the place. Those dates are the best because you're not trying to impress each other-you're just having a good time and enjoying the music and company.

Now, to Dig Dug. We hang out all last weekend, hang out one night this week and had fun, now I don't hear from him in 2 days. WTH? I am getting so fucking tired of this mess. The waiting game. The "game" in general. I mean, what happened to meeting someone and you both date and like each other? Maybe I'm just feeling a little down because my best friends (3 this year) have found love and are over the moon happy and "I'll have what she's having." All in due time, I guess. Again I can't say that dating is both fun AND miserable. There's no in-between with me. However I am being super proactive more so than most people, so I guess you win some, you lose some. It just hurts because all I'm looking for is a good man with a good heart. That's not a lot to ask for. I'm starting to doubt if they make good guys anymore.

Boys. What in hell are you thinking, you motherf**kin piece of no good sh*t.......

Tonight I had who I thought was a nice guy send me a video of him MASTURBATING and then ejaculating. That's a first. WHAT THE FUCK, DUDE? I am so mad I can't stand it. He says he was drunk and asked me to delete the email, but then I had no clue as to what he was sending me, so i was like yeah, send it. Jesus on the Cross, what and who in hell does that shit? UGGGHGHHHH!!!

Then Saturday I was at a gay bar and some guy gave me a note from another guy that said, "Hey, I'm Wally. Gonna be in town for a few days. And I NOT GAY!" LMAO! Too funny!!!! I am loving these pick up lines!

Date 45-I'm digging on some Dig Dug

I had date 45 with Dig Dug the other night. We went to a bar with some friends and had a blast, then came back to my house and talked. So sweet, so so so sweet. Again, I don't wanna rush into anything too soon, because there's another guy I really like to, but has made it clear to me he just wants to be friends for now and build a relationship out of friendship, which I like. I haven't heard from DD since yesterday, so I'm giving him the 3 day rule. Again, we shall see.

Date 44-Dead Irish Blues & Tummyaches

Tonight Dig Dug (or as my bf and I who can't hear well refer to him as Dick Duck) had a great date. We went to hear a local band play, then came back to my house and watched a movie. Man, he is awesome, too!! And is super freakin' sweet!!! However, we are both being very cautious as to how we handle ourselves. Neither one of us want to rush into anything. He is so damn sweet though. Precious! I am pretty excited, plus he thinks I'm cool and gorgeous (his words not mine.) How can you NOT like someone who thinks that about ya? :)
Once again, we shall see. We shall see.

Date 43-Pure Dee Awesomeness!!!

I had a date last night with an awesome guy! I mean, AWESOME! Tall, handsome, a total gentleman (opened doors, helped me take my jacket off when we arrived at the restaurant, would grab me and pull me toward him when people were walking by, would hold my hand, played resident photographer, and danced with me on the dance floor.) I had a blast-chivalry is NOT dead, Praise Jesus! "Alex" says he wants to build a strong foundation of friendship first before he starts a relationship, and I just think that is super. What a concept-Friends First! Alex is a great Christian guy, and he's very nice. Everyone was blowing my phone up asking who was that good lookin' man I was out with! I jokingly referred to him as my "man candy." :)

We shall see. I really really really am curious to see where this goes. And some dude today had the NERVE to say I was using these guys I'm going out with. For the record, even if I wasn't blogging I would still have gone on 43 dates. I am looking for LOVE, dammit!! I jokingly say I have a "quota" to meet, but I can pull the plug on this in a heartbeat. I'm very defensive when it comes to my "anthropological project." Apparently he don't get it, so I'm PTFO (pressing the f**k on!)