Tuesday, July 20, 2010

Victim of Love (so where's the support group?)

I am SOOO sorry I haven't written in awhile. It's been a crazy summer. Let's get y'all up to speed on what all has happened. I will tell you that someone reported my Facebook "Long Shot" page for being too "obscene," so when I find out who the hell it is they will have a BEAT ASS!

My SouljaBoy and I broke up back in June, and I was very upset about it because I was REALLY starting to fall hard for him. He distanced himself from me, and to add salt to the wound, rumors of him and infidelity began to surface, so we ended things amicably. Our last date was Date #82.

Then, out of the blue, along came a wonderful guy who proclaimed proudly he would be the last guy I would ever date. I fell and fell SUPER HARD, harder than I have with anyone I've ever dated in my 17 years of dating. We fell in love and I was ready to follow him to the ends of the earth, because, well, I loved him. My heart and head were in the game and ready to play. We soon had a reality check, figured we were rushing things too fast, and he decided to end things because of our distance between us (he lives in another state) and other issues. The Last Guy I Was Supposed To Date ended things after Date #91. We ended things amicably too, and have agreed to be friends, which I hope we can be. However, I'm so upset over this breakup and am taking it harder than any I've had in over 5 years. I am thankful for my dear and precious friends who have been here for me, not only for this breakup, but through every thing else.

OK, here's the deal: I believe that while I'm not a whore, unfortunately my heart is. I have been "in heavy like" with a few guys the last 10 months, almost one that I was in love with, and head over heels "IN LOVE" with the last guy. This is what I've learned so far:

I have 9 more dates before I make my 100, and truthfully, I don't know if I can do it. My heart feels so empty right now. I don't know if I have it in me. I've tried to keep an open perspective about this and keep my heart and head open, but it looks like my heart is quickly closing up. Maybe it's my fault for putting my heart out there on the line like that. Maybe I fall too hard too soon. I know that I'm not just trying to have a boyfriend for fuck's sake (ha, no pun intended.) There's been lots of guys I didn't like and didn't date, so I know I'm not desperate or just trying to "fill a gap." As a friend told me, I shouldn't be looking for love. Love should be looking for me. And that really is the truth. And the truth hurts.


  1. I'm so sorry. I've seen your facebook status lately and really thought you had found your match. Good luck out there.

  2. Remember, sweet girl: the treasure doesnt do the hunting!