Date #1-The Equal or Lesser Value Guy

I met this guy through a social network. He saw my pic on one of his friend's pages and sent me a friend request. He asked me out at the beginning of August, but my schedule was tied up the entire month. We finally decided to meet and go out on Sept. 7th (Labor Day.) He picked the restaurant and location, which was halfway between our places. As I meet this guy, he's not a bad-looking fellow, but when he starts to talk I know immediately this date is on the Highway to Hell. While I appreciated his compliments of me, I felt that they went way overboard WAY too quickly within the first five minutes of us meeting. I told him that I texted more than I talked, and his opening joke to break the ice was "Text messagin' on ma'phone is like oral sex. I can receive but I can't send." I was speechless. Really, #1? He had apparently been talking me up to the waitstaff because every time he got up to use the bathroom, make a "business call" (we'll get to that later), or go to the salad bar, the sweet little waitress would come over and ask, "Do you like him? He is so cute! I can tell he is REALLY into you." "Aw, sweet," is what I said, but "Aw shit" was what I was thinking.

When it was time to order, he directed me to a particular section of the menu to choose "whutevur yu wont, darlin." I thought this was odd, seeing I only had 6 things to choose from, but hey, he was paying so I ordered from said section. Then #1 starts talking about the relationship he is currently in with a girl he's having problems with. Said they had been broken up for about a week. I pointed out that he had started asking me out AT THE BEGINNING OF AUGUST, which would've put him in a relationship at the time he was trying to get me to go out with him. "Well, uh, uh, uh" was his response to that. THEN, as my meal is placed in front of me, I asked him why he was unhappy, to which he goes into detail about his girlfriend's "lady problems" (and I'm leaving it at that.) As the sweet little waitress walks by, I ask for a to-go box after hearing what I had just heard. My appetite and attention span were now gone.

It's time for the check (Thank God), I've already gotten my papers that I've started grading in mid-date organized, and my to-go box is packed. It is time for me to bounce. When the check comes, #1 whips out A COUPON for our meal, then says, "There's plenty where THESE came from!", winks at me, and then pays with our meal. With a coupon. At a family restaurant fast food chain where you can already eat there for under $15. He asked if he could see me again because I was so pretty, fun, adventurous, etc., but I told him that since he already had a girlfriend we should just be friends. And I have avoided his phone calls ever since. No more Buy One Get One dates for me.